Readers of this blog should be no strangers to our favourite Liver Birds Caz and Britney, aka Gillian Hardie and Keddy Sutton respectively (pictured above, right – left). Their show, Scottie Road the Musical, returns to the city this weekend, this time on the Epstein stage after a successful trial at the Unity as part of last year’s Homotopia.
They might have a weakness for TJ Hughes and an inexplicable appreciation of Coronation Street’s Deirdre Rachid, but what do we really know about Caz ‘n’ Brit? MADEUP asked them a few questions…
First of all, as Cilla would put it, what’s your name and where do you come from?
Caz: My name is Caroline The Asda Bon Marche Smith.
Britney: I’m Britney, Mint Viscount, Wagon Wheel Jones. I didn’t realise I lived in Scottie Road until my sat nav told me.
How have you ladies ended up on the Liverpool stage?
B: Well, I just walked up the steps at the side… Oh you mean how did we end up performing on stage… I get it… Well, basically, you know Shaz from Primani, well she reckon we shoved a £1 ring up her left nostril, when actually she tried to headbutt Caz and fell on the discounted Primark bargain herself, and got it lodged in – it stopped her hay fever though so she should thank us really. Anyway, she told lies and we got sent down. Now we are out we wanna tell everyone the truth. I felt ashamed at first, with everyone staring at me but now I love it.
C: In short, we had a manhandling situ in Primark and the dead nice girl at the Epstein said we could have a platform to be heard.
What can your audience expect from Scottie Road: The Musical?
C: Our audience can expect the truth in spoken and song form…. just keepin’ it fresh, y’know.
B: To laugh in the face of tragedy and have a better understanding of an early menopause.
Scottie Road the Musical is full of your own takes on show tunes. What’s your own favourite musical and why?
B: I like The Wizard of Oz, because Judy Garland got to play Dorothy even though she was 50 at the time, apparently. They just gave her some bobby socks and airbrushed her, so I’m hoping they might do the same for me one day.
C: My favourite musical is Calamity Jane, as it shows gingham in a positive light and Doris Day is every proactive woman’s hero(ine).
As the title of the show reveals, you’ve been to prison. What’s the most important thing you learned behind bars?
B: Don’t rest your teeth on them… The feeling goes right through you… And it hurts your fillings.
C: Never share a toothbrush. I’m vegetarian and you never know when they’ve eaten dead pig.
So after everything that’s happened, will you be staying on the straight and narrow from now on?
C: On the narrow but not promising the straight…a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.
B: As Bette Davis once said: ‘Grow and blossom in your own particular soil’. That’s got nothing to do with the question but it’s a lovely quote, innit.
What items would make your dream Greggs meal deal?
B: A piping hot cheese pasty that scorches your gullet, like pleasure and pain. An iced bun, although the icing gives me goose bumps so I take it off so it’s just a bap really. And a bottle of water to water my basil plant with. Basil is a posh plant innit, so I feed it bottled water.
C: An egg n’ cress (free range), an Orangina, and a biscuit in the shape of a sheep. Cute.
What’s going to be the hot Liverpool look for summer 2013?
B: Of course, keep that roller look in your hair all day n’ night…Never ever take your rollers out girls, that’s the rules. Complement this with pyjama hot pants and a broderie anglaise hoody. Feet must always be fake Ugged.
C: The hot look for summer 2013 is polyester onesies. Fact.
Who’s the best Scouser of all time?
B: Is it Cilla? Is it Lennon? Is it Les Dennis? Is it Eithne Browne? Is it Chris Maloney and his nan? Is it Ray Quinn? It’s…. Yes you guessed it: Googie The Liverpool Duck. He was in the charts in the 80s, he never had much luck.
C: The best Scouser of all time is my cousin Ted. He’s just got divorced so a mention will cheer him up.
Catch Caz and Britney in action in Scottie Road the Musical at the Epstein this Saturday (May 11). For more information and to book, click here.
Read MADEUP’s straight interview with Gillian and Keddy here.